Morbit thoughts

And so today I was just biding my time trying to sort through emails when suddenly I found myself thinking about death...now what that was about baffles me as well...I don't like thinking about death, or thinking about people close to me dying...it scares me...

Anyway so I had to think more about what this really meant for me and that scared me even more...I realised that a few days before I had a few cold shivers that just happened very suddenly..it gave me the creeps then and it still does.

I wish sometimes that I could just wrap my family in cotton wool keep them safe...I don't want any one of them to 'go' before me. I almost wish to 'go' before they do...but then I realised that I am also quite scared of dying...it just gives me the bloody creeps!!!!!!

Moving on to a different subject..TOM the bloody fool is here again!!! this could be why the thoughts are so morbid.

I am snappy, really not patient with people and picking on little things that normally would not even bother me..phew...so glad I was not amongst too many people today..I could feel the 'F" words coming on. Lucky enough it did not have to be uttered.

I wonder often what people must think about me. I know I am a bit mad but this is because I live in my head and anyone who enters this territory need to be a bit mad hahahaha.

Then I also wonder if the people that I work with, socialise with also have the same kind of madness running though them...is it because we tend to be reflective? Could it be that being reflective can lead to a little bit of madness? Shit and here I thought I was really good at being reflective and that it is a good thing...NOW it may be that I am a bit madder than I thought and that I am actually really good at coming across as being sane...

Poke me and see what side of me comes out the mad hatter or the sane me.