Change of Plan and other stuff!

I know I know I am back sooner than anticipated but not bad new though just a bit of an update....

I have taken advise and decided that the detox will have to wait until the weekend because I am apparently going to suffer a great amount of pain of the head when I start this process...it can't be worse than fasting so I think I will be fine but to be safe I will postpone this challenge until weekend. So the jelly will be on the menu.

I have also taken great care in my food intake today, well I actually ate what I normally would eat but counted everything for ww as well as counting my calories...there is such a lot of fuss made about calorie intake that I figure I must check how much I consume in a day. This whole malarkey can be all consuming if you let it so I will not focus too much on this. I just need to be aware and once that is achieved I will be able to make better choices. So for today I had a very close relationship with my ww calculator . Never really appreciated the benefits of having one but I certainly found good use for it today. I shall keep it in my bag just in case!

No exercise today, my knees are only now feeling OK so I guess I have subconsciously decided that the rest in between the 3 days of exercise needs to be enough so that I can actually climb stairs without feeling the strain on my joints. Jogging is good but plays havoc on the joints so I want to make sure that I am rested before legs can take another three days of battering. My pedometer is also good for me as I often manage to do my 10000 steps. One can reach that so easily without even having to do a planned walk...sedatory ? I say be gone ! here comes active me....

I have this lovely picture in my bedroom which my landlady took great care in choosing....not very often I notice it but today I find that I look at the picture and actually think...that is what I want to be able to do. Sit down and lean forward onto my knees without having to consider what is peeking out..oh yeah and look sexy hehehehe...so that could be a good thing to focus on one day...I am sure tomorrow this thought will be out of my mind.

I am reading a book for many months now and find I learn a lot from reading this book but also that I feel kinda strangely harsh towards a certain group of people. Yes it centres around this lady and her struggle with drugs and the lifestyle and then being able to move away from the lifestyle to make a better life for her and her children. I hate books like these...too close to day to day for me but I committed to the book and now have to finish it. Well my thoughts are really that individuals that become drug users are in my mind adrenalin junkies or risk takers..that is how they start out and we all start out sober so common sense and evaluating consequences may have gone through their minds at some point. I don't feel comfortable just accepting that drug addicts become so by accident. No, I believe that there was a choice made and the risk was considered more enticing than the risk associated with it. After the habit is set the addicts choice is taken from them by the need for the drug either physically or psychologically. Getting away then is difficult and I never want to minimise the struggle but I wonder why one would take a risk that could potentially be so fatal that you loose family and all you hold dear including yourself...is it because they feel so little for themselves that the risk would always be taken or that they feel unable to face up to the challenges of everyday life - or monotony thereof or is it because they are so selfish that they only think of themselves and gratifying a curiosity willie nillie. I wish we had a magic wand to use everytime someone wants to indulge...you know just to show them the outcome/the consequence of the risk they are willing to take. I have not yet heard a story which tell of the happy life of a drug addict.

Cold One!!!!

When Karlien invited me for a 'cold one' many would say why not and jump at the chance..well so did I. The very important difference was of course the 'cold one' she invited me for had nothing to do with quenching ones thirst...more to do with closing ones pores...yes as you can imagine it was a lot of oo aa 'ing and me saying 'who ever thought of this needs to be shot' but using very flowery language...yes yes yes the occasional 'F' was uttered...the experience of getting under a cold shower following a dry steam and then putting yourself through it again following a wet steam...that was indeed an experience I will not forget any time soon...exhilarating is a nice word to describe it after the fact when you've had time to think about complete experience...for me though it was very very cold to put it mildly....

The time I spent as a guest of Karlien's at Fitness First was fabulous though. I could not have asked for a better start to my day on Monday...I managed to extend my jogging at speed 7 with another minute and felt really good after. I am very impressed with myself that I actually managed to do three days of training this week...Whoohoo!!!! Oh and knickers and bra for the steam room seem to be acceptable hehehehehehe..I wasn't going to miss out on that just because I forgot my swimming costume...so yea my consciousness re my figure and undies faded quick smart when I entered the steam room. A Great experience all in all.

So today was the day for going to WW. I went to weigh in and was told that I put on weight...I ask myself this questions often...Why? Why? Why? and How? well I think I am not fully committed to giving up the crap yet but I will persevere. After all I am feeling better. Even though I don't seem to loose much in terms of weight I can feel a bit of difference in my clothing so maybe the exercising is helping. I know I do well when exercising and if I keep this up the eating will follow. So no I have no idea what my weight is but I will be looking to change some things this week...

1) SUGAR FREE JELLY
I shall use sugar free jelly instead of sweets. Sometimes my boredom leads to sweets and spending money. So I shall prepare some sugar free jelly and keep that in stock to have as a nibble...I just need something to keep my mouth going...bizarre isn't it?!!!!

2) DETOX
I also want to try and do the detox that Karlien gave me and see if that will help as well. I guess the sugar free jelly will have to wait until next week. This week, starting tomorrow, I will be detoxing...water and juices tomorrow and then, fruit, then veggies (raw), the veggies steamed with pulses, then brown rice and something else and then fish. It sounds really extreme but I do want to try. I am not sure how I will feel for exercising but I will try that as well. I can't wait to see how I get one!!

As you can see I am prepared to try anything...I was asked recently why I wanted to loose weight and I actually had to think about it and then I couldn't give an answer .....I could say that I want to be thinner, or I want to be healthier...but then again I could say that I want to loose weight because other's want me to...all of the above would be right but in fact I often feel unmotivated and really wonder if being thin is really for me...well the only way to find out is to get thin and then see and feel whether or not it is for me...I must give myself that chance to decide...presently I only know what it feels like to be big and need to find out what it feels like to be thin and then I will decide what I want to be and then only then will I be able to answer that question...

Life is all together good and even though my little struggle seem massive to me at times I appreciate that there are people out there whose struggles are so much more than mine. So I am grateful that I am able to tob on little things.

I SHALL BE BACK...next week of course to let you know if I managed to shift some weight...hehehehehe