Awareness or What?!!!!

I have been trying real hard keeping in good mood since the beginning of this new year. Of course, I know that this can not last for very long...so on came the dreaded TOM and with him he brought all those stupid feelings...aaaarrrhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Anyway I cooked, I kept busy at work, I went to the shop to prepare for meals etc etc to try and keep on track...now that was quite nice I must admit....I realised that with an extra bit of time at the end of each day you can do much more. So leaving work a bit earlier is exactly what I need.

I started sewing, I got myself sorted with swimming gear and plan to drop around to the badminton centre tomorrow to get myself sorted for that as well....there is of course a need for me to get back on to that horse called exercise becuase I have now committed to doing the Round the Bays 10 km. I am looking forward to it but I need to get fit.

With all of that my mood still fell right to the floor...the usual same old same old thing....TOM brings these things on always...so I try and keep aware of these but you know I loose everytime...I go quiet and seem to be sulking...I do not engage in conversation and often it is about keeping myself safe...but then there are times that I just cannot help asking those questions.....I know I shouldn't for my own sanity but I still do..the desire to hear something different is great but you know what, when I don't hear what I want to hear the disappointed is even GREAT..hateful I know and the saddest things is that it lasts....and can at time lead to some tears...

So that was some of my weekend but I am ok now.....I THINK!!!!!!

If ever you feel like someone has your heart in their hands and squezing just give them a fucking hard slap and walk away...that should work...but understand it is only when you chose to love someone that this is what you will feel...I am giving the HONEY an imaginary 'fucking slap' cos that is HOW I ROLL!!!!!!!

:)) chat soon