Who Woulda THUNK

Well who would have thunk!!!! Me water walking ...Me knowing what water walking is all about!!!
So I water walk every Sunday and manages to do it for about an hour...me and water seem to have a much better relationship than me and those demon machines...I am looking at one now...and let me tell you it has been looking at me for the past week telling me YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON YET....my response is a FINGER.

The exercise has taken off...along with me becoming a bit more social and making friends. I always thought that I was ok at making friends but actually I am quite bad. I realise only now that I have always been surrounded by my friends who was also my family..I never really needed more than that...in fact I was never taught how to socialise outside of my family....I thought then and still think now that I was very lucky...I had the best of friends and enemies that you could tell on and get and aunt or uncle take them to task..hahahahaha...I think I did that a few times.

I managed to connect though...how I did that I am not sure but heck I am just glad that I did...I have now got at least two friends in NZ..friends outside of work. Someone I enjoy socialising with be it a movie, be it a day trip, be it bra shopping or be it just eating and playing a game. FUN!!!!!!

In a short period of time I came to appreciate that I certainly need someone outside of my home and work environment to actually feel good...it is a nice feeling though...it is no longer all about work. For too long the latter was how things went and boredom drove me in that direction...so I guess I can say that I am no longer as bored as I was before.

I dove into the act of being social and have thus far hosted a games afternoon and a high tea...who would have THUNK ne!!!!! The games evening was so nice my honey commented on it and said he was really happy for me...can you believe he was watching to see if all went well...what was he going to do if it didn't that is my question...and my answer (it is my world hey) is that he was going to step in and make it fun for me. Who would have THUNK that he would be so protective of me...I am 43 after all lol. 

A friend cooked for us and the result was fabulous. She was very busy as you can see in the picture. I took a few pictures as evidence. Once again I DO LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE COOKS FOR ME...I can say with confidence that I would not have made such good work of the task.

 

For my high tea he seemed more comfortable to leave me alone with my guests. Maybe because his sisters were my guests lol...that to was a wonderful experience even though my scones turned out to be someone like bricks, the cucumber sandwiches had no seasoning etc etc...despite that I enjoyed the company...Some very nice pictures of this venture was posted on FB and unfortunately I am not techy enough to add those to my story.

This weekend I am home with no plans but I am off to do my water walking tomorrow...that is enough to put a smile on my face...I have my little bag packed, my house is clean and not much energy is needed to laze around the house...because I will be knackered after my water walking, the sauna and then the Jacuzzi...it takes so much energy but I am happy to give it all the energy I can muster. Oh and by the way there is NO WAY that I will be adding photos of this venture...you can imagine why lol.

I can't wait for Sunday this is the same Sunday I do not like very much....such a good feeling if your days are enjoyed rather than dreaded...bye bye boredom.

A few days of Do's and Don'ts

A trip 'up North' was the beginning of it all..so anticipating the long journey I dressed comfortably and thought 'off we go then'...

The journey there was good but I soon realised that I had not started off on the right foot...I had forgotten my shake in the freezer and became quite hungry...so the toll station came along and guess what ...YES YES I went for a naughty lunch/brunch what ever you wanna call it ..it was still sooooo bad for me that I continued on that path for the rest of the time...choc, hot chips, sweets, bread and more bread and more bread...what was I THINKING!!!!!!

Oh well I had to just pick myself up and start afresh...I always thought that my work was a bad habit but I realise that there may have been another reason why I work as much as I do....I love work because it is there that I do really well with keeping myself in check...at home I am SHIT!!!!! any reason any time anything to eat..YEP YEP that is what I think goes on with me.

Anyway we were in Kaikohe and the few people we met were so very nice and accommodating I felt at ease from the minute I got there. I felt comfortable..that is mainly because what people think of me did not seem to matter that much any more...in that moment in time anyway.

We trekked through a few lovely little towns not much going on there and I could certainly see why some people liked it and why others did not...I don't think I would survive in such a small place...boredom would kill me...young people must feel the same there...not much to do, no movie house, no mall etc etc...maybe that is a good thing though.

So we came to a stop in Kawakawa and it was only on the second time through that I manage to take a picture of the famous toilets...the first time through I used the loo and the second time through I took a picture of two. It was very nicely kept and I felt really comfortable using it ....no issues or phobes re cleanliness, germs etc etc...it was good but funny that people would come in to the loo to only take pictures and not use the loos.

Don't they look gorgeous??!!!!! yes it must have taken some time for the famous artist (Venice) to do this. Apparently there is a good story that goes with it but I can't remember if anyone told me and if they did I did not listen too well then...there is a garden on the roof as well and the use of bottles and colour glass just makes it all so beautiful.

Following my return home I was planning on doing the Round the Bays but my knee was giving me some terrible trouble. I was limping whilst up north and when I got home I had one day to rest it so to feel able to walk the distance...well I relaxed to a point where my back started to really feel like jelly...I needed to get up...well so I did and it turns out the pain was still there. I was really hoping that the pain would go but Sunday morning was no better...so I decided 'no' it was not going to do me any good to walk all those kilometres and hurt my knee even more. So I opted out.

And thus my eating got no better, my body felt fatter and I got more bored...so today I decided 'you will sort your exercise machine so you can get back on track'...I drove and felt hungry and was real good in passing shops that sold donuts...I said no...success for today at least. I also decided that I will drink water and maybe a diet coke in my car but no more eating of anything in there...that will mean I can keep myself in good order re eating and that my car will be clean. 

So today is the beginning of a new week for me...week by week by week for me ...and maybe just maybe at the end of this year I will see a good result....GOOD LUCK ME.

Morbit thoughts

And so today I was just biding my time trying to sort through emails when suddenly I found myself thinking about death...now what that was about baffles me as well...I don't like thinking about death, or thinking about people close to me dying...it scares me...

Anyway so I had to think more about what this really meant for me and that scared me even more...I realised that a few days before I had a few cold shivers that just happened very suddenly..it gave me the creeps then and it still does.

I wish sometimes that I could just wrap my family in cotton wool keep them safe...I don't want any one of them to 'go' before me. I almost wish to 'go' before they do...but then I realised that I am also quite scared of dying...it just gives me the bloody creeps!!!!!!

Moving on to a different subject..TOM the bloody fool is here again!!! this could be why the thoughts are so morbid.

I am snappy, really not patient with people and picking on little things that normally would not even bother me..phew...so glad I was not amongst too many people today..I could feel the 'F" words coming on. Lucky enough it did not have to be uttered.

I wonder often what people must think about me. I know I am a bit mad but this is because I live in my head and anyone who enters this territory need to be a bit mad hahahaha.

Then I also wonder if the people that I work with, socialise with also have the same kind of madness running though them...is it because we tend to be reflective? Could it be that being reflective can lead to a little bit of madness? Shit and here I thought I was really good at being reflective and that it is a good thing...NOW it may be that I am a bit madder than I thought and that I am actually really good at coming across as being sane...

Poke me and see what side of me comes out the mad hatter or the sane me.

Aggrieved!!!!

Today I feel totally aggrieved by the lack of kindness in our daily lives..sometimes I think we forget the few words of wisdom shared with us by our mothers, grandmother etc etc...it was my grandmother by the way...then my mother and my aunt I can remember reminding the seven of us..NO not dwarfs... grandchildren..THAT  LITTLE BIT OF KINDNESS GOES A LONG WAY, THAT WORDS HURT AND ONCE IT IS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!

I would like to think that I have taken these little pearls of wisdom to heart and it forms part of me and how I treat people...I may be deluded but I like to think that I am a bit more aware of what I do or say...obviously I am also aware that the best people to confirm this will be others that experience me...none the less I BELIEVE!!!!!!!

I often come away with questions about why things have happened and how it could have been better. Sometimes I get the answers other times I just don't know how..then you turn to those you supposedly trust hoping that they may help but then they to give you a bit of a frown...I don't enjoy that...it is just too much hard work.

I sometimes just wish I could wrap people in cotton wool to protect them...but I also know that each of us have a responsibility and an ability to protect ourselves...with that in mind though I still feel so sad when I see things happen...

Sometimes I feel able, confident, strong and so on and so forth...but other times I feel terribly helpless...the latter I do not like to feel and therefore I must react and that often is to point out how actions and words can be interpreted...and you know what... it comes back and bites me right in my backside...what is the lesson for me here because there is definitely one for me to learn...

I still firmly believe that a little bit of kindness goes a long way...lets see if that little bit of kindness reaches someone today...I need to see it not to feel so despondent about it...I know there is good in each and everyone of us lets all just try and tap into that!!!!!

Myaaaaa Phooooonnee

So for the past few weeks I have been without my phone..don't get me wrong...I had a phone but I found that I missed MYA PHONE!!!!!

I never really thought that I would be so dependent on technology. I still hold the view that this so.... but admit that the ease that come with technology is what I enjoy most. Any way I missed it all!!!!!

Tomorrow I will collect my phone!!!!!! I can't wait ...I almost feel giddy....I need to go for a coffee, me and my phone alone lol...you know to get to know my phone again.

I need something to keep me busy this weekend...switching off isn't all that easy this week. I hope that next week will bring better days and not a continuation of the things, feelings and experiences of this week...I think in some way I am only now getting to know the real depth of the job I have...if I could I would want a bit more time so I can suck the life out of being oblivious to this part of the job.

Hmmmm emotional responses to life events are natural and expected but sometimes I wish that I could be a bit hardened against it. Then again I can't say that I would want it always. I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved in my life so that little bit of emotional madness that often spills over in work and other places have served me well. Now though I need to choke it a bit here and there ....

It is at times like these that I miss my family...with them around you can forget about all the things that is going on...too much that I have to catch up on with them so no time for my troubles...just sitting down and talking with a cuppa and maybe a biscuit..we do that very well...who can I get to have a cuppa with me to talk to about all the things that is going on in my head?

I want to have some "girl time" ...going for pedi's etc it just does not work if I go all on my own, I KNOW!!!

WORD!!!!!

Awareness or What?!!!!

I have been trying real hard keeping in good mood since the beginning of this new year. Of course, I know that this can not last for very long...so on came the dreaded TOM and with him he brought all those stupid feelings...aaaarrrhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Anyway I cooked, I kept busy at work, I went to the shop to prepare for meals etc etc to try and keep on track...now that was quite nice I must admit....I realised that with an extra bit of time at the end of each day you can do much more. So leaving work a bit earlier is exactly what I need.

I started sewing, I got myself sorted with swimming gear and plan to drop around to the badminton centre tomorrow to get myself sorted for that as well....there is of course a need for me to get back on to that horse called exercise becuase I have now committed to doing the Round the Bays 10 km. I am looking forward to it but I need to get fit.

With all of that my mood still fell right to the floor...the usual same old same old thing....TOM brings these things on always...so I try and keep aware of these but you know I loose everytime...I go quiet and seem to be sulking...I do not engage in conversation and often it is about keeping myself safe...but then there are times that I just cannot help asking those questions.....I know I shouldn't for my own sanity but I still do..the desire to hear something different is great but you know what, when I don't hear what I want to hear the disappointed is even GREAT..hateful I know and the saddest things is that it lasts....and can at time lead to some tears...

So that was some of my weekend but I am ok now.....I THINK!!!!!!

If ever you feel like someone has your heart in their hands and squezing just give them a fucking hard slap and walk away...that should work...but understand it is only when you chose to love someone that this is what you will feel...I am giving the HONEY an imaginary 'fucking slap' cos that is HOW I ROLL!!!!!!!

:)) chat soon

2013 Happy Happy!!!!

Here we are in 2013..in fact we made it to the second day of 2013.

This year started well for me and the honey. We had a meal together and waited for the clock to strike 12.

Getting up the next morning was funnily enough quite a good feeling. The day was really good and I was so glad to have had the time to reflect on the day that has past and the year that it all concluded. The honey and I worked hard this year and I believe that we got everything that we set out minds to. Certainly we were very fortunate.

Not often do we realise how fortunate we are because we are so caught up in wanting what we think we need... we often forget we only develop a desire to have something because we think that it would make us happier.

I look back at the happenings of the year that has just gone and realise now more so than then ...that in fact me and the honey have been very very fortunate...I am greatful for all we have and decided that it would be good to look beyond myself and the honey..

I think this year I would like to do some voluntary work and I will make a concerted effort to do this. This is not my NEW YEARS RESOLUTION... we know those are never kept...speaking of myself of course...I want to feel like I am making a difference to other's lives...and volunteering is what I think I need to do to get that need satisfied.

I am one of those who tend to cry when I see a sad advert on TV about poverty, abused children etc etc...it is so sad watching it...so instead of just sitting and watching it and feeling sad I want to start feeling that I am doing a bit more to try and make the world better for those who may be less fortunate than I am.

My new year resolution like every year is to try and look after myself, lose weight, be healthy, connect spiritually, be happy and be forgiving. I will again promise to try my best to become the person I believe I am and hope that this year I get closer to that than what I did the year before and the one before then and so on and so on....

So change is on the horison for me and sometimes my responses to these will be pathetic but I hope that I pull myself together enough so that I can say, upon reflection, I took what I needed from this and will make the best with what I have.

I wish a good year to all and hope that all your resolutions are achieved over the year ahead.