I love the Steve Harvey Show, Family Feud (Steve Harvey) and just generally his style of comedy. That sense of humour of his travels through everything he does. Even his books.
I read his first book some time ago and I remember some stuff but I admit that not everything in his book applies to everyone. It is really quite heavily depended on your own values and how you were raised in respect of male and female roles.
I've not read his second or third book but watching youtube Steve Harvey episodes reminded me of Steve's Jump concept.
Well what he said had me think about the times I had JUMPED but never really knew that I did and that I had not appreciated my courage in doing so. So today I thought of all the times I JUMPED, how I paid for it and what it meant for me today.
I wanted to soar. I know we all have different ways of getting to that point where we soar but it is something that gives such joy after the fear subsides.
JUMP #1
I buckled down to learn when all other students were fighting for a better education. Yes we got gutter education but what I realised was that even though the fight for better education was right and noble it was not going to happen while I was at school. So I decided to make the best of my time in school and I decided that I will make this gutter education work for me.
JUMP #2
I refused to settle for ST 8 (leaving school at that level). I did not want to work in a bank and forged ahead to matric (ST 10). I knew then that working in a bank would bring money in to our family but I wanted so much more. I thought about how I could ensure we kick poverty's backside long term...working in a bank was not going to give me that.
JUMP #3
I buckled down to learn (UNI)...asking for a job led to me going to University. How could I not make the most of this. This was Allah opening a door for me that I never even thought was there...I hoped for it but I never knew it was there and when it opened I JUMPED.
JUMP #4
I worked away from home as a newly qualified. I was alone (not that young in age but certainly naïve) but I wanted to do what I knew I could do. I needed to find a way to do it for me and my family. Mood was miserably low but with time and with work my mood lifted and this was because my confidence grew. Two things really...I wanted to come away from the place I grew up in and I wanted to earn money. The latter being the more important.
JUMP #5
I gave up a permanent job to work as a locum in a field of interest (Drug and Alcohol Services)...I saw that as facing a demon of my own. Having a family member who struggled with this made me angry and I felt resentful for a long while. However, my study allowed me to start addressing deep rooted issues of my own. My learning here was joined with my ability to teach others and help others understand how drug and alcohol misuse impacted their lives and how it eventually script their outcome. It was a huge learning curve for me but exactly the right place for me at that time because this is where I saw my next JUMP opportunity.
JUMP #6
Decided to pursue a working opportunity outside of South Africa. I did this with a colleague of mine. My colleague got the job I did not... but I did not give up. I started this journey and I was not giving up. Days after I got another interview and got the job in the UK. We don't often see what is in front of us... we think we do or we dream of something... but we must learn that we cannot know what is in front of us all the time and what is set out to be yours will come to you but not always in your time. If you have the patience and the understanding of this you will eventually be satisfied when it finally arrives. So the JUMP for me was to leave my family and move to a strange country on my own, very little money but loads of 2 minute noodles. To work hard, earn money, learn and become proud of myself while caring for my family in South Africa.
JUMP #7
While away from my family and living in a strange country where I could access many things and enjoyed many things...I was never tempted. I made some very good friend and lost/hurt some very good friends also. My decision in 2006 was to put me ahead of others. I needed to focus on me. In order to do this I needed to be courageous. I started dating and opened myself up to another level of emotional commitment. This was the best decision I made. I invested in someone with LOVE and even though this was the best place I ever was ...happy...it was also the scariest place I was at...the hurt attached to this was greater than what I have ever experienced...I decided I want to take that chance and trust in me first and then in the person I chose.
JUMP #8
Now sometimes people don't often listen to the little hints they get to tell them to JUMP. I had such an experience...one I hated but I paid for this one completely. Sometimes we get too comfortable, too scared, too loyal..whatever you want to call it...when we get to that stage of our lives we tend to do nothing and our soaring stops. I only realised this after the fact through reflecting on the situation. I developed strong feeling towards people and in fact a distrust in others when I got this kick up my backside. My JUMP here was to never give up, build yourself up to a point where you can take a bigger jump to make you soar more. I left my job, found a smaller one (I cried every day because it was with adults who was ill and could not do much for themselves, their dignity harmed and their desperation tangible) and stuck to it for a while until I felt good enough in myself to find the job I wanted.
JUMP #9
I JUMPED another time and that was to leave UK and move to NZ to be with my honey. I did not know what I was going towards.... all I knew was that my honey was there and what I needed right at that time was to be with him and not feel alone in that special sense. It is another great opportunity that brought happiness to my live.
JUMP #10
Buckle down and learn...I am a professional and never want to stop learning. I put myself forward to learn and took on challenges to make me soar in my career.
Each and every one of these JUMPS was huge for me. It not only brought with it pleasure, happiness and thankfulness but it also brought with it fear, tears, hurt, distrust etc. My learning in this was that one can never achieve things without having a mix of these feelings. Sometimes we make a choice not to feel like this again and in doing so we limit our opportunities. I want to be more courageous and take more JUMPS in my life. I do so with the trust in a higher power and myself. I accept the plan for my life and hope to see the doors open for me when it does not when someone kicks me out of it.
I see all my JUMPS as blessings and I hope that there are many others out there who have had fantastic JUMP opportunities also. If you have had some comment below because I would like to hear about your experiences and thoughts.
Saturday 4 February 2017
Sunday 2 October 2016
Moving forward
Sunday...three days before I move on to stage three. I cannot wait because stage two has taken its toll on me. I realise that I have to have patience with this process and certainly with myself. I know what I need to do but my old ways still present a bit of an obstacle. I want to keep busy and think that there is not enough to keep me occupied. Thus I want to move towards the normal habit to occupy my time...work. Well that is the habit I must break but what I really need to face is that I just do not have patience with myself. If I learn to take things slowly, manage things in the present and stop wanting to put it in the past I am sure I will gain so much more from it all. In order to do this I need to identify alternative activities that can keep me occupied on those occasions when it is needed. I am sure I can manage that.
First things first..how do I become more aware on what I have just identified as areas to work on...well I had a bit of a read and there is a four week course that I can only benefit from. It is to do with living in the present, being calm in ones approach to challenges and realising that planning forward is likely to be less compromising if one does it with a clear and calm head.
This week this will be my focus. I will enrol in this course and once I have done that I will consider activities e.g. gym or hobbies; that can occupy my time. I will deliberately move away from work so to break that habit.
I know this will be a challenge for me but it is now time that I put myself first and in order to be successful in my current journey I have to put myself first. In doing so it means that I have to accept that there is others as experienced and capable as I am that can manage the work. Letting Go!!!
The time has come to Let Go of that which I have no control over and Take Control of that which I do.
First things first..how do I become more aware on what I have just identified as areas to work on...well I had a bit of a read and there is a four week course that I can only benefit from. It is to do with living in the present, being calm in ones approach to challenges and realising that planning forward is likely to be less compromising if one does it with a clear and calm head.
This week this will be my focus. I will enrol in this course and once I have done that I will consider activities e.g. gym or hobbies; that can occupy my time. I will deliberately move away from work so to break that habit.
I know this will be a challenge for me but it is now time that I put myself first and in order to be successful in my current journey I have to put myself first. In doing so it means that I have to accept that there is others as experienced and capable as I am that can manage the work. Letting Go!!!
The time has come to Let Go of that which I have no control over and Take Control of that which I do.
Friday 23 September 2016
I CHOOSE ME
I have been thinking about how comfortable I am with tracking my journey in a public arena. I decided that I am not all that comfortable with it but that I am comfortable enough to give some insight into what I think of my journey so far.
I never really thought that life was going to be easy but I always knew that I was going to be comfortable enough in it because I tend to believe that what I am faced with is what is meant to be facing me. My strength is in my experiences.
Well this remains my thinking but I have now taken it upon myself to make a significant change in my life and at my age it was a decision long thought about and long avoided. What I realise is that sometimes we make decisions but it takes a while for us to get our head around these decisions and that when we are ready in every way only then we can act.
It is like biting the first bit of the chocolate and knowing that you will not stop until the chocolate is done. Guilty after but enjoyed every bite. Well this is also what happens when we make decisions that are internalised over time. When we take that first bite you must be sure that you will finish. This is me right now. I have taken the first bite.
Looking back I realise that I have actually been thinking about this change for a long time (years in fact) since my very good friend took that step. At that time I was still thinking I could do THIS my way. Well I tried for years and years on I committed to myself on a different level. So now I am chewing the chocolate of life and I am really sure that I will be finishing.
You see doing something as big as this is not an easy way it is quite possibly the most difficult road to take and obviously people choose the easy way first. Well so many easy pathways has led to just another disappointment. My journey now hold me fast to what I want to achieve. I will achieve this because I have committed to myself and decided that I will be doing this for me and reap the benefits that comes with it.
I must admit that when my mind was made up it was not too challenging to move towards the DUE date. The DUE date has come and gone and I am now on a long term journey. The result WHO KNOWS...what ever it may be it will be better than what I was before the 14 September this I believe whole heartedly.
I can't wait to see what results I am able to produce but I can say that every day is one where I am present in every sense of the word. Now I am working on being mindful of everything I do and how I do it. I am a strong believer that Awareness is our best asset. If you are aware of yourself, your behaviour, your surrounding, you past and present and others in these environments then you are more able to be satisfied with who you are. You are more able to be honest with yourself. The latter being a fantastic tool to have in my kiti...honesty will keep me exactly where I need to be when I talk to myself because my journey is for and between ME, MYSELF AND I.
Please do comment below if my post holds something for you.
I never really thought that life was going to be easy but I always knew that I was going to be comfortable enough in it because I tend to believe that what I am faced with is what is meant to be facing me. My strength is in my experiences.
Well this remains my thinking but I have now taken it upon myself to make a significant change in my life and at my age it was a decision long thought about and long avoided. What I realise is that sometimes we make decisions but it takes a while for us to get our head around these decisions and that when we are ready in every way only then we can act.
It is like biting the first bit of the chocolate and knowing that you will not stop until the chocolate is done. Guilty after but enjoyed every bite. Well this is also what happens when we make decisions that are internalised over time. When we take that first bite you must be sure that you will finish. This is me right now. I have taken the first bite.
Looking back I realise that I have actually been thinking about this change for a long time (years in fact) since my very good friend took that step. At that time I was still thinking I could do THIS my way. Well I tried for years and years on I committed to myself on a different level. So now I am chewing the chocolate of life and I am really sure that I will be finishing.
You see doing something as big as this is not an easy way it is quite possibly the most difficult road to take and obviously people choose the easy way first. Well so many easy pathways has led to just another disappointment. My journey now hold me fast to what I want to achieve. I will achieve this because I have committed to myself and decided that I will be doing this for me and reap the benefits that comes with it.
I must admit that when my mind was made up it was not too challenging to move towards the DUE date. The DUE date has come and gone and I am now on a long term journey. The result WHO KNOWS...what ever it may be it will be better than what I was before the 14 September this I believe whole heartedly.
I can't wait to see what results I am able to produce but I can say that every day is one where I am present in every sense of the word. Now I am working on being mindful of everything I do and how I do it. I am a strong believer that Awareness is our best asset. If you are aware of yourself, your behaviour, your surrounding, you past and present and others in these environments then you are more able to be satisfied with who you are. You are more able to be honest with yourself. The latter being a fantastic tool to have in my kiti...honesty will keep me exactly where I need to be when I talk to myself because my journey is for and between ME, MYSELF AND I.
Please do comment below if my post holds something for you.
Thursday 22 September 2016
Relevance
I posted this in 2013 but think the discussion is still quite relevant. Tell me what you think!
Friday, 28 June 2013
Poverty vs Parenting
The hot debate at the moment. Not that there is much to debate about but certainly a lot to sooth the conscience of those considering the pitfalls of modern living and the dilemmas within it.
Anyway I listened and heard and thought and concluded that actually it depends on how one looks at these two very relevant social issues to guide your thoughts about it....at this moment in time I feel that there is so much that links these two issues to each other that one cannot argue or debate it with the intention of separating it from each other. For me they are so interlinked that one will not get agreement in the current debate. However, I have a life experience that helps me in my thinking.
Growing up in poverty, of course the way I know poverty, always thinking about where are we going to get money, can we afford bread, stressing about paying debt, feeling so numb at times that the end of the week that people nowadays look forward, was always feared and the wish existed that it would never come...it held too many memories (bad I must add) of saying that "sorry we don't have money to pay'...after many years of this one feel so worthless and value certainly vanishes...that you would get stuck in the rut of poverty, not believing and feeling..... really bad.
Of course poverty is never good but I would have given everything to have had money every week or at least some money coming into the home so we could afford food or more thereof.
If it was left up to poverty on it's own I can see how my life would have been so much different. It drags one down and leaves you there for you to step right over or walk right over yourself...yes because eventually you become your worst enemy with a view that someone else needs to do something for you so you can feel better...well that was a hell of a wake up call for me and I am sure for many other...that actually it is up to me to make change and by doing that I could see a way out.
Looking back now from where I am now to where I was then I realise that parenting played a huge part in my getting up and dusting myself off. Now my parents did the best they could which in todays eyes may have been a miserable failure...my father liking his drink and not able to provide for us and when he does work he used to bring us the remnants of his party which at most was a small packet of crisps and a load of guilt which often came in a cup early in the morning ...YES TEA. Lovely memories but so linked to bad ones that you wonder if you are a bit weird to think it was lovely.
My mother on the other hand was a hard worker and she did this with the best of intensions because we had to survive but it also allowed her a bit of an escape from the hard side of being at home...she had eight hours working hard but of bliss...but it was a good way of her surviving...I don't blame her and actually feel really blessed to have had her.
Me my sister and brother we were home, we had to think about food, we had to think about how much money can we get to get food, we had to think about the debtors and how we were going to tell them we have no money this week, we had to think about the list of food stuffs we can get from this measly bit of money...it was very hard for us but we did it...We hated each other and loved each other because we suffered together.
Again I must say that we got stronger and we had some parenting that allowed us to want better...my mother always saying sabr children God only give you what you need to get stronger, dad showing us that you can show love in so many different ways, sharing with each other and others is where your Baraka (blessing) lies. Be good to other and they will be good to you. Dream big and look keep that dream ahead so you know what you working towards...we used to walk on a Saturday morning, going visiting my aunt and cousins, and we would dream of our home in the mountain with garage ...why in the mountains I have no idea but maybe it was because it was high and no one would be able to get to us or maybe we thought that having a house so high was synonymous of what we get to be in life ...I don't know but we held that dream so dear.
Support was what we had certainly from my mother...celebrating with us when we did well at school, staying up late waiting for your results, giving you a candle to study by knowing that you will be doing so in the bathroom in the bath...wow those are such powerful memories it makes me feel nostalgic.
Never forgetting my father who showed us that we need to value all people doesn't matter what race, colour or creed...teaching us that hate brings no benefit the best way to fight todays demons is to make yourself better one step at a time...never think that the change will be achieved at once it needs you to do something and continue to do it in order to get the change affected from that level. I remember on the train station that my dad never made us feel any less than anyone else despite the fact that there was this little placards saying 'whites only'...it never bothered me. We got where we needed to and we ate and drank to sustain us...in a way I thank my dad for teaching me that no one human has the right to make you less than what you are.
Looking back on my life I see the possibilities that presented to me during a very hard poor existence and feel that these possibilities exists for everyone. As hard as one fights to deal with depression and the knowledge that getting better lies with you ...that is exactly how hard you have to fight to get out a situation that does not make you feel good...while you breath and can greet every morning you have the power and no one can take that from you.
It is therefore that I hold the view that poverty on it's own does not equal dysfunction...that parenting on it's own or lack thereof does not equal dysfunction...but that the two together is a heck of a doozy...however, no matter what that doozy it is not the end and that some good parenting in a poor situation equals possibilities...it doesn't have to be much...only the ambition, the pride, the responsibility and the kindness and belief is what you need to make something as BAD as that work for you...and it can WORK because I know of many that have come out on the other side ME included.
So again I say you can be as poor as that but if you have parents who love you and give you some good input dysfunction will mean a different thing.
Life is never too hard, it is always what Allah mean it to be for you...it is for you to be patient and find the lesson and the growth...In my family we children always say SABR when we want something but can't have it immediately...you know why...because we will get it soon!!!!!!
Anyway I listened and heard and thought and concluded that actually it depends on how one looks at these two very relevant social issues to guide your thoughts about it....at this moment in time I feel that there is so much that links these two issues to each other that one cannot argue or debate it with the intention of separating it from each other. For me they are so interlinked that one will not get agreement in the current debate. However, I have a life experience that helps me in my thinking.
Growing up in poverty, of course the way I know poverty, always thinking about where are we going to get money, can we afford bread, stressing about paying debt, feeling so numb at times that the end of the week that people nowadays look forward, was always feared and the wish existed that it would never come...it held too many memories (bad I must add) of saying that "sorry we don't have money to pay'...after many years of this one feel so worthless and value certainly vanishes...that you would get stuck in the rut of poverty, not believing and feeling..... really bad.
Of course poverty is never good but I would have given everything to have had money every week or at least some money coming into the home so we could afford food or more thereof.
If it was left up to poverty on it's own I can see how my life would have been so much different. It drags one down and leaves you there for you to step right over or walk right over yourself...yes because eventually you become your worst enemy with a view that someone else needs to do something for you so you can feel better...well that was a hell of a wake up call for me and I am sure for many other...that actually it is up to me to make change and by doing that I could see a way out.
Looking back now from where I am now to where I was then I realise that parenting played a huge part in my getting up and dusting myself off. Now my parents did the best they could which in todays eyes may have been a miserable failure...my father liking his drink and not able to provide for us and when he does work he used to bring us the remnants of his party which at most was a small packet of crisps and a load of guilt which often came in a cup early in the morning ...YES TEA. Lovely memories but so linked to bad ones that you wonder if you are a bit weird to think it was lovely.
My mother on the other hand was a hard worker and she did this with the best of intensions because we had to survive but it also allowed her a bit of an escape from the hard side of being at home...she had eight hours working hard but of bliss...but it was a good way of her surviving...I don't blame her and actually feel really blessed to have had her.
Me my sister and brother we were home, we had to think about food, we had to think about how much money can we get to get food, we had to think about the debtors and how we were going to tell them we have no money this week, we had to think about the list of food stuffs we can get from this measly bit of money...it was very hard for us but we did it...We hated each other and loved each other because we suffered together.
Again I must say that we got stronger and we had some parenting that allowed us to want better...my mother always saying sabr children God only give you what you need to get stronger, dad showing us that you can show love in so many different ways, sharing with each other and others is where your Baraka (blessing) lies. Be good to other and they will be good to you. Dream big and look keep that dream ahead so you know what you working towards...we used to walk on a Saturday morning, going visiting my aunt and cousins, and we would dream of our home in the mountain with garage ...why in the mountains I have no idea but maybe it was because it was high and no one would be able to get to us or maybe we thought that having a house so high was synonymous of what we get to be in life ...I don't know but we held that dream so dear.
Support was what we had certainly from my mother...celebrating with us when we did well at school, staying up late waiting for your results, giving you a candle to study by knowing that you will be doing so in the bathroom in the bath...wow those are such powerful memories it makes me feel nostalgic.
Never forgetting my father who showed us that we need to value all people doesn't matter what race, colour or creed...teaching us that hate brings no benefit the best way to fight todays demons is to make yourself better one step at a time...never think that the change will be achieved at once it needs you to do something and continue to do it in order to get the change affected from that level. I remember on the train station that my dad never made us feel any less than anyone else despite the fact that there was this little placards saying 'whites only'...it never bothered me. We got where we needed to and we ate and drank to sustain us...in a way I thank my dad for teaching me that no one human has the right to make you less than what you are.
Looking back on my life I see the possibilities that presented to me during a very hard poor existence and feel that these possibilities exists for everyone. As hard as one fights to deal with depression and the knowledge that getting better lies with you ...that is exactly how hard you have to fight to get out a situation that does not make you feel good...while you breath and can greet every morning you have the power and no one can take that from you.
It is therefore that I hold the view that poverty on it's own does not equal dysfunction...that parenting on it's own or lack thereof does not equal dysfunction...but that the two together is a heck of a doozy...however, no matter what that doozy it is not the end and that some good parenting in a poor situation equals possibilities...it doesn't have to be much...only the ambition, the pride, the responsibility and the kindness and belief is what you need to make something as BAD as that work for you...and it can WORK because I know of many that have come out on the other side ME included.
So again I say you can be as poor as that but if you have parents who love you and give you some good input dysfunction will mean a different thing.
Life is never too hard, it is always what Allah mean it to be for you...it is for you to be patient and find the lesson and the growth...In my family we children always say SABR when we want something but can't have it immediately...you know why...because we will get it soon!!!!!!
Tuesday 20 September 2016
Big DECISIONS leads to a different LIFE
It is now eight days since my operation. Every day since I have been getting better and even though I was still experiencing pain it was mixed with excitement.
I am anxious for what lies ahead. NO DOUBT.
However, I am excited!!!!
I have my first follow up appointment in a few days and I hope that things are going well. I am looking forward to not have the pain and swelling and being able to eat like a semi adult. At the moment I am much like a baby eating like one and currently I am on fluids for two more weeks.
I can't wait though because what lies ahead is exciting and so new.
This is the result of my BIG DECISION.
Lets see how we go.
I am anxious for what lies ahead. NO DOUBT.
However, I am excited!!!!
I have my first follow up appointment in a few days and I hope that things are going well. I am looking forward to not have the pain and swelling and being able to eat like a semi adult. At the moment I am much like a baby eating like one and currently I am on fluids for two more weeks.
I can't wait though because what lies ahead is exciting and so new.
This is the result of my BIG DECISION.
Lets see how we go.
Friday 28 June 2013
Poverty vs Parenting
The hot debate at the moment. Not that there is much to debate about but certainly a lot to sooth the conscience of those considering the pitfalls of modern living and the dilemmas within it.
Anyway I listened and heard and thought and concluded that actually it depends on how one looks at these two very relevant social issues to guide your thoughts about it....at this moment in time I feel that there is so much that links these two issues to each other that one cannot argue or debate it with the intention of separating it from each other. For me they are so interlinked that one will not get agreement in the current debate. However, I have a life experience that helps me in my thinking.
Growing up in poverty, of course the way I know poverty, always thinking about where are we going to get money, can we afford bread, stressing about paying debt, feeling so numb at times that the end of the week that people nowadays look forward, was always feared and the wish existed that it would never come...it held too many memories (bad I must add) of saying that "sorry we don't have money to pay'...after many years of this one feel so worthless and value certainly vanishes...that you would get stuck in the rut of poverty, not believing and feeling..... really bad.
Of course poverty is never good but I would have given everything to have had money every week or at least some money coming into the home so we could afford food or more thereof.
If it was left up to poverty on it's own I can see how my life would have been so much different. It drags one down and leaves you there for you to step right over or walk right over yourself...yes because eventually you become your worst enemy with a view that someone else needs to do something for you so you can feel better...well that was a hell of a wake up call for me and I am sure for many other...that actually it is up to me to make change and by doing that I could see a way out.
Looking back now from where I am now to where I was then I realise that parenting played a huge part in my getting up and dusting myself off. Now my parents did the best they could which in todays eyes may have been a miserable failure...my father liking his drink and not able to provide for us and when he does work he used to bring us the remnants of his party which at most was a small packet of crisps and a load of guilt which often came in a cup early in the morning ...YES TEA. Lovely memories but so linked to bad ones that you wonder if you are a bit weird to think it was lovely.
My mother on the other hand was a hard worker and she did this with the best of intensions because we had to survive but it also allowed her a bit of an escape from the hard side of being at home...she had eight hours working hard but of bliss...but it was a good way of her surviving...I don't blame her and actually feel really blessed to have had her.
Me my sister and brother we were home, we had to think about food, we had to think about how much money can we get to get food, we had to think about the debtors and how we were going to tell them we have no money this week, we had to think about the list of food stuffs we can get from this measly bit of money...it was very hard for us but we did it...We hated each other and loved each other because we suffered together.
Again I must say that we got stronger and we had some parenting that allowed us to want better...my mother always saying sabr children God only give you what you need to get stronger, dad showing us that you can show love in so many different ways, sharing with each other and others is where your Baraka (blessing) lies. Be good to other and they will be good to you. Dream big and look keep that dream ahead so you know what you working towards...we used to walk on a Saturday morning, going visiting my aunt and cousins, and we would dream of our home in the mountain with garage ...why in the mountains I have no idea but maybe it was because it was high and no one would be able to get to us or maybe we thought that having a house so high was synonymous of what we get to be in life ...I don't know but we held that dream so dear.
Support was what we had certainly from my mother...celebrating with us when we did well at school, staying up late waiting for your results, giving you a candle to study by knowing that you will be doing so in the bathroom in the bath...wow those are such powerful memories it makes me feel nostalgic.
Never forgetting my father who showed us that we need to value all people doesn't matter what race, colour or creed...teaching us that hate brings no benefit the best way to fight todays demons is to make yourself better one step at a time...never think that the change will be achieved at once it needs you to do something and continue to do it in order to get the change affected from that level. I remember on the train station that my dad never made us feel any less than anyone else despite the fact that there was this little placards saying 'whites only'...it never bothered me. We got where we needed to and we ate and drank to sustain us...in a way I thank my dad for teaching me that no one human has the right to make you less than what you are.
Looking back on my life I see the possibilities that presented to me during a very hard poor existence and feel that these possibilities exists for everyone. As hard as one fights to deal with depression and the knowledge that getting better lies with you ...that is exactly how hard you have to fight to get out a situation that does not make you feel good...while you breath and can greet every morning you have the power and no one can take that from you.
It is therefore that I hold the view that poverty on it's own does not equal dysfunction...that parenting on it's own or lack thereof does not equal dysfunction...but that the two together is a heck of a doozy...however, no matter what that doozy it is not the end and that some good parenting in a poor situation equals possibilities...it doesn't have to be much...only the ambition, the pride, the responsibility and the kindness and belief is what you need to make something as BAD as that work for you...and it can WORK because I know of many that have come out on the other side ME included.
So again I say you can be as poor as that but if you have parents who love you and give you some good input dysfunction will mean a different thing.
Life is never too hard, it is always what Allah mean it to be for you...it is for you to be patient and find the lesson and the growth...In my family we children always say SABR when we want something but can't have it immediately...you know why...because we will get it soon!!!!!!
Anyway I listened and heard and thought and concluded that actually it depends on how one looks at these two very relevant social issues to guide your thoughts about it....at this moment in time I feel that there is so much that links these two issues to each other that one cannot argue or debate it with the intention of separating it from each other. For me they are so interlinked that one will not get agreement in the current debate. However, I have a life experience that helps me in my thinking.
Growing up in poverty, of course the way I know poverty, always thinking about where are we going to get money, can we afford bread, stressing about paying debt, feeling so numb at times that the end of the week that people nowadays look forward, was always feared and the wish existed that it would never come...it held too many memories (bad I must add) of saying that "sorry we don't have money to pay'...after many years of this one feel so worthless and value certainly vanishes...that you would get stuck in the rut of poverty, not believing and feeling..... really bad.
Of course poverty is never good but I would have given everything to have had money every week or at least some money coming into the home so we could afford food or more thereof.
If it was left up to poverty on it's own I can see how my life would have been so much different. It drags one down and leaves you there for you to step right over or walk right over yourself...yes because eventually you become your worst enemy with a view that someone else needs to do something for you so you can feel better...well that was a hell of a wake up call for me and I am sure for many other...that actually it is up to me to make change and by doing that I could see a way out.
Looking back now from where I am now to where I was then I realise that parenting played a huge part in my getting up and dusting myself off. Now my parents did the best they could which in todays eyes may have been a miserable failure...my father liking his drink and not able to provide for us and when he does work he used to bring us the remnants of his party which at most was a small packet of crisps and a load of guilt which often came in a cup early in the morning ...YES TEA. Lovely memories but so linked to bad ones that you wonder if you are a bit weird to think it was lovely.
My mother on the other hand was a hard worker and she did this with the best of intensions because we had to survive but it also allowed her a bit of an escape from the hard side of being at home...she had eight hours working hard but of bliss...but it was a good way of her surviving...I don't blame her and actually feel really blessed to have had her.
Me my sister and brother we were home, we had to think about food, we had to think about how much money can we get to get food, we had to think about the debtors and how we were going to tell them we have no money this week, we had to think about the list of food stuffs we can get from this measly bit of money...it was very hard for us but we did it...We hated each other and loved each other because we suffered together.
Again I must say that we got stronger and we had some parenting that allowed us to want better...my mother always saying sabr children God only give you what you need to get stronger, dad showing us that you can show love in so many different ways, sharing with each other and others is where your Baraka (blessing) lies. Be good to other and they will be good to you. Dream big and look keep that dream ahead so you know what you working towards...we used to walk on a Saturday morning, going visiting my aunt and cousins, and we would dream of our home in the mountain with garage ...why in the mountains I have no idea but maybe it was because it was high and no one would be able to get to us or maybe we thought that having a house so high was synonymous of what we get to be in life ...I don't know but we held that dream so dear.
Support was what we had certainly from my mother...celebrating with us when we did well at school, staying up late waiting for your results, giving you a candle to study by knowing that you will be doing so in the bathroom in the bath...wow those are such powerful memories it makes me feel nostalgic.
Never forgetting my father who showed us that we need to value all people doesn't matter what race, colour or creed...teaching us that hate brings no benefit the best way to fight todays demons is to make yourself better one step at a time...never think that the change will be achieved at once it needs you to do something and continue to do it in order to get the change affected from that level. I remember on the train station that my dad never made us feel any less than anyone else despite the fact that there was this little placards saying 'whites only'...it never bothered me. We got where we needed to and we ate and drank to sustain us...in a way I thank my dad for teaching me that no one human has the right to make you less than what you are.
Looking back on my life I see the possibilities that presented to me during a very hard poor existence and feel that these possibilities exists for everyone. As hard as one fights to deal with depression and the knowledge that getting better lies with you ...that is exactly how hard you have to fight to get out a situation that does not make you feel good...while you breath and can greet every morning you have the power and no one can take that from you.
It is therefore that I hold the view that poverty on it's own does not equal dysfunction...that parenting on it's own or lack thereof does not equal dysfunction...but that the two together is a heck of a doozy...however, no matter what that doozy it is not the end and that some good parenting in a poor situation equals possibilities...it doesn't have to be much...only the ambition, the pride, the responsibility and the kindness and belief is what you need to make something as BAD as that work for you...and it can WORK because I know of many that have come out on the other side ME included.
So again I say you can be as poor as that but if you have parents who love you and give you some good input dysfunction will mean a different thing.
Life is never too hard, it is always what Allah mean it to be for you...it is for you to be patient and find the lesson and the growth...In my family we children always say SABR when we want something but can't have it immediately...you know why...because we will get it soon!!!!!!
Friday 3 May 2013
Naming doodidilooo..lol an unfinished thought
As a young person I wasn't as fortunately as many of my friends were ...well at least I thought they were fortunate...my life as a three year old was very different to what it was when I turned eight, then thirteen and then sixteen..
I would always say I would never change my life as it was through experiencing my life that I am now living my life as it is now. That does not mean that it is without it's challenges but it is certainly a life way different and a life that has given me so much opportunities that I remain grateful for it.
At three I was told by someone in my family that I could read...now I cannot remember such a thing myself but I like the idea of it so that memory became mine. It is only now with some wisdom that I realise the difference between a memory that is recalled and a memory that is given. I liked the memory and can still see myself sat in a corner with a newspaper but I am also very aware that that may not be a memory of mine.
Anyway as I grew older my life took me down the path of imagination and I liked living there..it was so much easier than my reality...man I could never name it but I was stressing, I was becoming so negative and down trodden that I wished to come away from my life...and being in my imaginary world was the only way I could manage.
Getting presents or having new clothes were always a privilege of others ...I don't know I may have desired it but I cannot ever remember feeling that I deserved it....we were taught to never be envious and to always say when commenting on something someone else have by saying 'masha-allah' which means you show appreciation for what the other person has but that you are not envious of it...that was how I got my head around it...
Anyway so I on one occasion commented on a lady's skirt and said that 'masha-allah'. The lady was a friend of my mother's and through their visiting I became friends with the lady as well. The lady then gave me the skirt because I liked it and I took great care of it.
I can't remember having too many things but I can remember taking great care of what I had. Looking back I realise that I was quite possessive of my stuff and had some attachment to it...this was proven when I was ironing my skirt.. 'the skirt'...and for some reason I did not check the heat level and as such burnt a nice little hole...oooooo I was sad ...I felt like I have lost something huge...it was then that I decided that things will no longer become so important to me that I would feel this sad when I no longer have it. Funny that - self protection in the weirdest form.
Anyway I then developed an appreciation for having things but a 'I don't care' when I no longer had it...I got rid of things before I could get too attached...and that is how I go about dealing with my things...well that is what I thought I was doing...but then I realise that I name my stuff..and naming stuff indicates a form of attachment doesn't it....
So I have zoomy my vacuum and I have Polly my car to name a few. I sit now thinking about why I named it. Is it because of the issues around attachment to stuff, is it me showing appreciation for the stuff I have, is it some childhood fantasy where most all things are named ...I don't know I am a little mad at least the latter I am certain of.
I think that maybe I have hardened myself against losing some of my stuff and have managed to deal with the loss in a different way but that in fact I have not closed myself against feeling good about having these things and feeling proud in having it. This to me seem to have led to some emotion being linked to these things and it means great things to me....as this is so I feel a sense of loss when something happens e.g. it gets damage....maybe just maybe all of this means a lot more than just these superficial things...maybe these things are linked to deeper confirmation for me on a level to do with person value and worth etc and therefore any loss of thing may mean at some deep deep level that some of my worth or value is taken from me....I don't know it could be!!!!!
I would always say I would never change my life as it was through experiencing my life that I am now living my life as it is now. That does not mean that it is without it's challenges but it is certainly a life way different and a life that has given me so much opportunities that I remain grateful for it.
At three I was told by someone in my family that I could read...now I cannot remember such a thing myself but I like the idea of it so that memory became mine. It is only now with some wisdom that I realise the difference between a memory that is recalled and a memory that is given. I liked the memory and can still see myself sat in a corner with a newspaper but I am also very aware that that may not be a memory of mine.
Anyway as I grew older my life took me down the path of imagination and I liked living there..it was so much easier than my reality...man I could never name it but I was stressing, I was becoming so negative and down trodden that I wished to come away from my life...and being in my imaginary world was the only way I could manage.
Getting presents or having new clothes were always a privilege of others ...I don't know I may have desired it but I cannot ever remember feeling that I deserved it....we were taught to never be envious and to always say when commenting on something someone else have by saying 'masha-allah' which means you show appreciation for what the other person has but that you are not envious of it...that was how I got my head around it...
Anyway so I on one occasion commented on a lady's skirt and said that 'masha-allah'. The lady was a friend of my mother's and through their visiting I became friends with the lady as well. The lady then gave me the skirt because I liked it and I took great care of it.
I can't remember having too many things but I can remember taking great care of what I had. Looking back I realise that I was quite possessive of my stuff and had some attachment to it...this was proven when I was ironing my skirt.. 'the skirt'...and for some reason I did not check the heat level and as such burnt a nice little hole...oooooo I was sad ...I felt like I have lost something huge...it was then that I decided that things will no longer become so important to me that I would feel this sad when I no longer have it. Funny that - self protection in the weirdest form.
Anyway I then developed an appreciation for having things but a 'I don't care' when I no longer had it...I got rid of things before I could get too attached...and that is how I go about dealing with my things...well that is what I thought I was doing...but then I realise that I name my stuff..and naming stuff indicates a form of attachment doesn't it....
So I have zoomy my vacuum and I have Polly my car to name a few. I sit now thinking about why I named it. Is it because of the issues around attachment to stuff, is it me showing appreciation for the stuff I have, is it some childhood fantasy where most all things are named ...I don't know I am a little mad at least the latter I am certain of.
I think that maybe I have hardened myself against losing some of my stuff and have managed to deal with the loss in a different way but that in fact I have not closed myself against feeling good about having these things and feeling proud in having it. This to me seem to have led to some emotion being linked to these things and it means great things to me....as this is so I feel a sense of loss when something happens e.g. it gets damage....maybe just maybe all of this means a lot more than just these superficial things...maybe these things are linked to deeper confirmation for me on a level to do with person value and worth etc and therefore any loss of thing may mean at some deep deep level that some of my worth or value is taken from me....I don't know it could be!!!!!
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